Yesterday was an off day for me, and I’m not sure why. I was a bit irked that I had planned to do a bunch of things around the house, and then I was forced to run errands for hours, which included me writing a check for $800 to the college. Since I was pretty mad about having to leave the house in the first place, I decided to go out and impulse buy something like I usually do when I’m manic. So, I went to Target, which happens to be one of my favorite stores to browse around in. In all honesty, I have a date on Saturday, and I thought maybe I could find something nice and new to wear. If you haven’t yet noticed, blue is my absolute favorite color. So when this cute little blue dress caught my eye, I had to try it on. Now, shopping is hard for every woman, but it can be particularly frustrating for me. See, I’m very thin. I’ve been very thin for most of my life except for those few awkward years of puberty. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find extra small sizes? But I digress.

So I find this nice blue dress in my size and decide to go try it on. So I do, and it fits. I’m looking at myself straight on in the mirror, and it looks really nice. I was even thinking what kind of shoes or jacket I had at home that would match it. As all women do, I had to see myself at every angle before I was convinced it looked good. So I looked straight on. I turned and looked at my left side.

...And then I turned and looked at my right side. Now, very rarely am I self-conscious or envy other women for their features, but as I stood there looking in the mirror, I wanted to just tear the whole damn dress off. Not take it off. Rip it off. Why, you ask? Well, there’s only one thing I envy about other women that they all take for granted.

A straight spine.

As you can clearly see, the right side of my ribcage sticks out, and it sticks out a lot. Normally, this doesn’t bother me. For some reason, when I put on that dress, I thought it hung perfectly on me until I turned and saw how awkwardly it hung because of my back. See, my spine started to curve and I was diagnosed with scoliosis when I was eleven. So the entire time my body was growing, my ribs were moving to compensate for the way my spine was curving. Nothing could be done. That’s just the way it grew. When I finally had the surgery to correct to ninety degree angle in my upper back, the surgeon told my parents that the only way to make my back look normal again would be to break the entire right side of my ribcage. Considering the fact that I was already having a massive procedure done with a very long recovery time, he didn’t want to put me through any more pain than I would already be in. Sometimes, I wish he would have. Most of the time when I go out, it doesn’t matter. If it’s hot and I’m wearing a camisole, then you can clearly see my tattoo and scar. When it’s cold (and I’m cold 99% of the time), I have a sweatshirt on, and no one can tell. However, when I have something that’s form-fitting and covers my back all the way up to my neck or the top of my shoulders, I hate it. Maybe I was just having a bad day, but it does bother me sometimes, and not just for vanity reasons. I can’t lay down flat on the floor, or on the pool deck, or even in the grass without all my weight being put on that side of my ribcage. Since it’s always there and not visible to me, I usually forget it’s there, but I get a solid reminder every once in a while. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to slide my way around a corner, right side first, and slammed my happy little rib hump right off the wall or door frame.

I think all women have had that theoretical question, “If you had to have plastic surgery, what would you have done?” And you know that most women say they wouldn’t want any plastic surgery, but it’s always that hypothetical situation. Some women say a nose job or breast implants. I would want my rib hump to go away.

So, I want to pose a question to men and women alike. What’s one thing you envy about other people that they take for granted? Let’s stick to physical features, because I know a lot of people who have horrible allergies, or very restricted diets, or diabetes, or things like that. Okay? Okay.

Lastly, don't forget to check out the two widgets at the bottom of my page. Join me, and have some fun.

As always,
Love&Peace
SoundofSapphire

@lonelywanderer2 asked me to write a post on my best and worst dates. Well, let me say something first. I don’t go on dates with people I don’t know very well. I did once, and sweet Jesus. Anyway, let’s go through this.

I never really dated in high school, not actual dates, anyway. For my first relationship, we had been friends since eighth grade, and it just kind of happened. From there, it was more of:

“Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, but we’re right in the middle of the level. We still have zombies to kill.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Pizza?”
“Sounds good to me.”

Of course, that relationship, if you’ve read my older posts, was a train wreck.

My first real date wasn’t until I was a junior. I remember we went to see The Dark Knight and then walked across the street for a quick, late dinner. I think we had two other dates after that. We went to the movies again, and then he came back to my place...Wait for it...
To watch the Olympics, gymnastics specifically.
Actually, he and I hung around more as friends. When the end of the summer started approaching, he was going off to college, and we just drifted apart, but he did make sure to come back early for Thanksgiving break to visit me in the hospital after my spinal surgery. He really was a nice guy, but I’ve found that circumstances tend to be the biggest relationship killer.
After that, I didn’t really date or look for anyone, because that certain train-wreck bastard strung me along like no one’s business.

Now, here is where I had my one awkward date. I didn’t know him very well. Big mistake. We went to my favorite restaurant in the city, which was just a few blocks from his house. Then we just went over to the park, smoked, and chilled. Looking back, I should’ve seen many red flags, such as the fact that he wouldn’t shut the hell up. I understand that you want to talk a lot on the first date to get to know someone, but he just wouldn’t stop talking. Hell, I’m bipolar, and even I don’t talk that much when I’m manic. Red flag number two: he was a massive Naruto fan. And a huge fan of Bleach. And he spent so much time trying to convince me how good the series were. Then, after a few hours, my mom dropped by to pick me up, and I was on my way home. Not two minutes after driving away, he texts me, and then he continues to text me. I just spent the whole day with you. Shut up! Honestly, in the beginning, I put up with him because I was seriously insecure and craving attention. I had just gotten out of the hospital about three months prior (the psych unit, if you haven’t read previous posts), and that was the only time in my life I’ve gained a significant amount of weight, about forty pounds. So, I wanted attention, and once we started dating (Jesus, what was I thinking?), I swear I only kept him around for the sex. When I broke up with him, it was like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders.

Months and months down the line, I got together with my now ex-girlfriend. We met through an online writing community, started exchanging emails, then texts, and then started talking on the phone for hours and hours at a time. Our first date was a few months into the relationship since it was long distance. I picked her up at the airport, took her to Olive Garden, jammed to Lady Gaga in the car, and then just generally chilled at my house for three days. I don’t know if you can really consider any of that a date, but for the sake of argument, we’ll call having lunch together a date.

So really, I’m not a dating kind of person. The best relationships start as great friendships, which is a double-edged sword, as I’m sure you all know. Now, I sometimes have a hard time keeping my emotions in check. Now is one of those times with a certain someone, but let’s not go into that.

So, below in the comments, tell me what the worst date you’ve ever had was. Also, leave me suggestions for future posts.

On that note, I’m going back to my old signoff.

Love&Peace. Don’t fuck up.
SoundofSapphire

Let’s preface this particular post with me saying that I will be censoring my language for the most part aside from a quote at the end. Language has very little to do with the overall topic, and even though I curse like a sailor, it’s unnecessary here.

Okay, let’s talk about something that’s been really bothering me lately. Actually, it’s been bothering me for the past couple of years.

Music.

Now, let me first say that these are my personal opinions, so don’t bother arguing with me over it. You won’t change my mind.

Also before we start, let me explain to you why I feel the way I do about today’s music. As an infant, my dad set up speakers above my crib to play soft reggae to help me sleep. All throughout my childhood, there was always music playing. Let’s put it this way: I was raised by hippies. Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin/Big Brother and the Holding Company, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, The Who, The Mamas & The Papas, Eric Clapton, Simon & Garfunkel, Donovan, Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention, The Grateful Dead, Credence Clearwater Revival, Van Morrison, and that’s just off the top of my head.

From my grandparents, I was introduced to big band music, but at both their funerals (which were a month apart), the song that played while we were paying our final respects at the funeral home was the first song my grandparents ever danced to. So, for as great as the music is, I can’t listen to big band anymore. It just brings back too many memories.

There was tons of reggae, too: Bob Marley (of course), Black Uhuru, Third World, Steel Pulse, Peter Tosh.

There was jazz. There was Steely Dan. A lot of that and the musicians listed above came from my dad, who’s 8 years older than my mom.

During the 90s when I was growing up, there was a lot of alternative rock and just plain rock and roll, courtesy of my mom. The two bands I clearly remember listening to in the car with my mom were The Clarks and Rusted Root, both of which are native to my hometown. The house was always filled with music, and this was during a time when we could actually leave the radio on. There’s a station here in Pittsburgh called 105.9 The X. They’ve gone way downhill since, but they always played alternative rock, and of course my mom had her CDs (older and new) to pop in. So my younger years were filled with The Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Foo Fighters, Better Than Ezra, Blind Mellon, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Oasis, Collective Soul, Fuel, Garbage, Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day (before they got political and started to suck), Dishwalla, Nirvana, Incubus, Eagle Eye Cherry, Stevie Nicks, No Doubt (I swear we played the living hell out of their Tragic Kingdom album), Sublime, Stabbing Westward, and one I remember the most clearly was my mom singing to me Cracker’s song “Low.”

Now, enough about me. Are there other bands I like and even love these days? Of course. However, if I start making another list, we’ll be here all day. So let’s get to the present.

Even the Grammy’s this year were a disaster, with Adele taking home way more than she deserved. Yes, I understand that she had vocal surgery, and while I’m sure that was an extremely difficult time for her, the Grammy’s, in my opinion, should be based solely on music. Other artists worked their asses off making and producing music. What really upset me was the fact that after winning all those awards, Adele announced that she was going to take a few years off to get her life together. Let’s take a look at Rihanna. She’s produced an album every single year since she started her singing career, and while the Billboard Top 100 really means very little to me in terms of talent, she’s had several singles on it, not just in the United States, but topping the charts in eleven different countries. Even though she isn’t my favorite arts, far from it, actually, I have to give her credit for how hard she works. She’s also young as well, currently only 24-years-old.

Back to my original point of Adele. She’s also 24, and after winning all those awards, like I said, she announced that she was taking a five year break to get her life together. I understand that her first album, 19, was also well received. I can’t name a single song from it. The album 21 she said was based off of a “rubbish relationship.” So she wins big and decides to take a break, although there have been many questions and debates as to whether or not she will continue singing. In my opinion, having one well received album and getting all those recent Grammys then deciding to take several years off from her career strikes me as her being, as they say, and one-trick pony, or perhaps she just realizes that after all her success, she has no way to top it and nowhere to go but down.

Moving along. Another artist, whether you like her or not (and I do love her), is Lady Gaga. She writes her own music, and has a very distinctive style, both with fashion, stage performances, and songs. She also does a lot of acoustic versions of her songs, just her voice and a piano, which I believe really shows off her talent. In an interview with Howard Stern, she said that after her first tour, she took all the money she made and used it to pay for her Monster Ball, going completely against her agent’s and producer’s advice.

There are many artists out there with exceptional talent, and I could go on for quite a while about recent artists that I do love and respect, but we would be here forever. I also won’t be going into appearances. Plenty of artists, even ones I strongly dislike, have a very distinctive look, as crazy and wild as some of their outfits may be.

My main point with all of this is that I had never even heard of Adele until her album 21, and I can still say that the only song I’ve heard is “Rolling in the Deep.” Then again, I don’t listen to the radio anymore, simply because, to me, everything sounds the same. R&B, rap, pop, and the occasional alternative rock dominate the airwaves, and it’s been like that for years. Sure, Mumford & Sons had a huge hit with “Little Lion Man” and “The Cave,” but I’m curious how many people actually know all the songs on their album. To me, the radio just all blends together, and it all sounds the same to me. Meaningless lyrics, repetitive choruses, auto-tuning (which needs to just die already), and sometimes an old Disney star with a half-assed voice.

Now that you know my musical background and thoughts, I just have one question.

What happened to music? Why do songs like “Super Bass” turn into such enormous hits? Also, there is one, massive, enormous, unforgivable issue that I take with rap. In any kind of Latino rap (I’m looking at you, Pitbull), he constantly seems to use the word “dale” (which actually isn’t offensive at all, but that’s not my point) as a placeholder instead of putting in another word that actually rhymes, or they use it for no reason at all. In English, it’s typically the “n-word.” No, I’m not going to say it, because you all know what I’m talking about. (As a side note, I also believe it’s one of those words that should be completely eliminated from our vernacular, but I’ll be doing yet another post on language and speech soon enough.) If it’s not either of those, it’s heavy cursing, whether it’s just straight up “f-bombs” as they call them, or derogatory words aimed at women. It seems like most rap songs (I can’t avoid it. Those little brats at the pool play them on the radio, I hear them in public, from people driving by in their cars, and I just can’t seem to escape them.) are almost always about guns, slutty women, drugs, or going on and on about how they’re “the best rapper alive.” You know, there was a time when rap music didn’t need all that garbage, and a time when rap songs had an actual point and an actual message. Some people will tell you that it has a good beat to dance to. I have two words: Yeah, so? There are plenty of other songs that don’t involve all the nonsense I just listed that you could easily dance to.

Another enormous problem is that this kind of music doesn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon. If you don’t know me very well, I consider most people complete, mindless idiots, and they will continue to listen to these mindless, idiotic songs. People want something catchy with a beat and easy lyrics to remember so they can sing along. The music industry knows this, and so record labels keep producing it.

On a final note, let’s roll back to the 80s and a quote by the late comedian Bill Hicks. Now, this is something I can’t censor, but it was relevant then, and it’s still relevant today.

“They say rock and roll is the devil’s music. Well let’s say that it is. I got news for you. Let’s say rock and roll is the devil’s music, and we know it for a fact to be absolutely, unequivocally true...boy, at least he fuckin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal hell and good tunes or eternal heaven and New Kids on the Block, I’m going to be surfing on the lake of fire and rocking out, hi-fiving Satan every time I pass him on the fucking shore. People say, "Oh, Bill, leave them alone. They're so good, and so clean-cut, and they're such a good image for the children." Fuck that! When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children listening to people who fucking rocked! I don't care if they died in pools of their own vomit! I want someone who plays from his fucking heart! "Mommy, the man Bill told me to listen to has a blood bubble on his nose." Shut up and listen to him play!”

And I don't know how much room I have to personally have to criticize vocals and such, but I did a cover (even though I have a terrible fear of singing in front of people). So you can decide for yourself.

On that note, peace out.

-Jess